Class Notes, Week 37: Seeking a second wind

The Moksha yoga teacher training program requires me to journal once each week about my experience with the poses and assignments + my practice and progress. This is part of that weekly assignment.

It’s been exactly nine months since the opening circle that initiated my journey as a yoga teacher trainee at Moksha.  Nine months.  That’s the same amount of time it takes for a human fetus to fully develop in the womb.

While I don’t feel like I’ve really “mothered” anything just yet, I do share that feeling of the exhaustion and exhilaration that comes with creation.

This past week, it’s more exhaustion than anything.

My dad likened it to working two jobs: I have my full-time, very corporate media gig; and I have this yoga vocation, to better myself and heal others.  Both are super, super demanding.  But I refuse, at this point, to give either up.  I suppose they are both my “children,” and if I were to be put in a Sophie’s Choice situation … well, I don’t even want to hypothesize about that.

But I do need a second wind.  My journey with the Moksha teacher training program is far from complete.  I’ve just crept over the halfway mark.  I’ll spend this summer teaching karma/community classes, working on a thesis project and completing my final project.  I also have a second apprenticeship to complete.

And did I mention that I’m exhausted?

In four days I leave for Greece — Santorini, to be exact.  I hope to harness the energy of this beautifully exotic locale while on a yoga retreat with Shiva Rea, and re-discover the strength within me.  A week of yoga and meditation should provide me with this much-needed second wind … or will it OD me on yoga?

I wonder if anyone else in my teacher trainee group feels this way.  I bumped into two of my teacher trainee peers at the Wanderlust Yoga Chicago festival this afternoon — and it got me missing that sanga.  Now that we’ve ended the training classes and are in an “independent study” mode, we don’t talk have an automatic time/place to meet-discuss-share-vent-shine.

When I get back from Greece, I’d like to have everyone over.  It would be great to get the gang back together, all 25+ of us.  Only we can best understand what each other is going through, after all …

Wanderlust Chicago festival: Practicing yoga in 50-degree, rainy weather is pretty hard-core. Does it add to my exhaustion, or is it an expression of my exhilaration? Or both?

Leave a Reply