Class Notes, Week 32: Elation + exhaustion

The Moksha yoga teacher training program requires me to journal once each week about my experience with the poses and assignments + my practice and progress. This is part of that weekly assignment.

There is an interesting yin-yang thing happening at this point in the program.

I am incredibly energized and devoted to my yoga practice and teaching education … more than ever before.  Yet, I am also incredibly exhausted, fearful that my vigor will lead to burn out.

This elation and exhaustion wind around each other, like two snakes.  Sometimes it’s challenging to tell them apart.

I really don’t want to burn out, so I’ve already decided that I’m going to take extra time, if needed, to finish all of the program requirements.  If I finish in 2014, so be it.  I’m not going to push myself only to project as a high-strung yoga teacher — now there’s a walking contradiction!

When people ask me how the training is going, I often respond something like, “It’s really intense in a wonderfully exhausting way.”  I’m not sure that response truly captures the feeling, though.  Even now, trying to write about it — it’s challenging.  I’m in a situation where words fail me.

This afternoon I tried explaining it with some better context to a good friend.  I told her that the program has reached a level of physical, mental and emotional intensity that surpasses what I experienced as an undergraduate and graduate student at Northwestern University.  (She also attended NU, and could relate to the intensity of the journalism program.)  It’s forcing me to probe, think, reflect, question everything about my life — and goes way beyond the poses I’m learning to teach.

Because of this wonderful challenge, this yoga “credential,” once obtained, will ultimately mean more than my BA and MS degrees — a an education that cost more than $200,000.

But it’s not about that piece of paper.  This incredible journey is the real reward.  And it’s still playing out …

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