Class Notes, Week 27: Trying to embrace the grey

The Moksha yoga teacher training program requires me to journal once each week about my experience with the poses and assignments + my practice and progress. This is part of that weekly assignment.

Perhaps I should stop drinking coffee before teacher training classes.  That might make me more go with the flow, and less “Oh, there goes Erica with her hand up in the air again.”

I hope that my motivation and curiosity isn’t mistaken for combativeness or brown nosing.  The Hermoine Granger tendencies that I exhibited in high school and college have toned down significantly with age — significantly.

But lately, there’s just been a handful of instructions and mini-lessons in the teacher training program from Daren that run counter to what I’ve experienced in other yoga classes, as taught by teachers whom I respect.  I want to probe at all of these little discrepancies with “Why?”

I sincerely want to know the answer, so that I can inject this knowledge appropriately into my personal practices and teaching — and keep things safe.  My drive is curiosity.  It is also a pitta hunger, if you will, to know what’s “right.”

I’m learning that these answers are never so black and white.  Yoga is filled with a lot of grey.  A lot of it.  What may be appropriate with one teacher, is the opposite with another.  What’s up is down, and what’s down is up.  It’s not unlike my first few days in India last year, when everything was a swirling mess that didn’t make sense because I was trying too damn hard to make sense of it all.

I’m quickly realizing that it’s up to me to ascertain what is truly appropriate — as long as I have the foundation and backup to support my choice.

Daren likes to end his explanations/instructions following a question with something along the lines of, “What do you think about this?”  Assuming I don’t have a follow-up question or some “devil’s advocate” response, my reply is usually: “Well, I have a lot to think about.”  (In most instances, it would be a lie to say that I totally “get it” or agree with it 100 percent — not without marinating on it.)

I will continue challenging, investigating and probing in the name of furthering my yoga education … and hope that it doesn’t annoy my other classmates too much.  Hopefully they recognize the benefit, too.

And I’ll also keep in mind Daren’s goal for us at the tend of the teacher training program: “I want you to be more confused than when you started.”

I’m more than halfway there already.

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