Oh, boy. It’s been a whirlwind past month. I’ve traveled quite a bit. I’ve meditated quite a bit. And I’ve contemplated a wide range of ideas with beautiful and loving people, as well as with myself (also a beautiful and loving person).
If only I had an audio recording of some of these inner dialogues, or had a stenographer transcribing in real-time my internal conversations. Because a lot went down. A LOT.
And yet … after all of this traveling (exploration without) and yoga (exploration within), I wish I could say that I have nailed things down. I wish I could say that I know exactly what I need to do next on my life path. I wish I had all the answers tied up in a pretty bow.
Isn’t the way it happens in memoirs and movies about women who set off on a solo journey of self-realization?
Well … fuck that. It that wouldn’t be honest. I don’t have crystal-clear clarity after my little journey, and I’m not about to pretend that jetting off to explore gifted me this.
The truth is this: I don’t know if this time “off” has brought me much closer to pin-pointing my dharma, a.k.a. my life’s purpose, and that’s OK. Baby steps.
Perhaps there were moments of “Oh, yeah!” and moments of “Oh, shit!” during this past month that will make sense down the road. Perhaps dots will be connected by people I’ve recently met along the path, and I just don’t know it yet.
I stay open to the potential I don’t yet fully recognize, and I remain grateful for the opportunity to rack up some incredible life experiences in the process of allowing myself this month to not work, not stress and not over-think — even if I did cheat on this last one a few times. Not everyone is so lucky to be able to put the spin of life on pause like I have. I am a privileged princess in this respect.
But I’m also human. I may not share in everyone’s individual life experiences, but I do share in the experience of emotion –– including the wide range of vulnerable emotions that don’t get celebrated, the stuff that stays in the shadows. These are emotions like self-doubt, anxiety, envy and confusion. I’ve tangoed with them all, on multiple occasions this month alone.
There is a beautiful song by George Harrison that I keep listening to, and it helps me maintain perspective while continuing to lovingly propel me forward, even as these emotions work to hold me back. (There are a handful of George Harrison songs that inspire me, but this one has risen to the top in recent months.) It’s called “Any Road.” It takes the metaphor of traveling and applies to life.
Here’s my favorite verse:
But oh Lord we’ve got to fight
With the thoughts in the head with the dark and the light
No use to stop and stare
And if you don’t know where you’re going
Any road will take you there
That last line, which includes the title of the song, is genius: “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.”
With it, George is encouraging us to keep forging ahead, to keep taking steps in our journey that feel right. Rather than stop and stall and hem and haw and pause and deliberate to the point of losing momentum, we just need to pick “any road” and see where it leads. We cannot allow emotions to freeze us from traveling forward, even if we don’t know precisely what version of forward is “right.” There may not be a “right” way; so no use in wasting time trying to identify something that doesn’t exist.
There’s great adventure and positivity in this approach. It also implies that not having all of the answers is OK … TOTALLY OK … and that our lives might be that much richer without having all of the details planned out.
Now let’s see if I can hold this lyric as a compass to cut through the unwanted emotional weeds that will inevitably sprout up as I attempt to chat “next steps.”
There are, like, five different roads that I’d like to take at once … and George didn’t specify picking only ONE.