“hey, sorry i didn’t get your text sooner. today was a wretched day in the work world of erica bray. i am thinking much more seriously about studying yoga in india.”
~ My email to a friend on Wednesday, June 1, 2011 @ 9:24 p.m.
I stumbled upon this gem while doing a search in my archive email for something completely unrelated. Discovering it floored me.
Although this was written in a state of frustration and stress, and half sarcastically, it was an unconscious truth. Or intention. Or premonition. Why? Just one month after writing this email, I met Nianna Bray when I randomly popped into her yoga class in Venice Beach, Calif. And then six months later, I was studying yoga under her guidance … in India.
The universe has a beautiful way of nudging me.
Today, on the eve of my annual review at work, I’m juggling double the responsibility versus last year, just channeling the stress differently. While I don’t need to “flee” back to India, as I joked in my June 2011 email, I hope that I find the calm resolve I uncovered in Rishikesh to help me navigate tomorrow’s review with wisdom and integrity. I don’t want to say the “wrong” thing; but I do want to be honest about my feelings toward the company, and my role. Right now, they are mixed. Very mixed. I feel like I’m being pushed into a business-money-management role that just doesn’t mesh with my heart, with my dharma. The increased amount of meditation I’ve been practicing lately has reinforced this awareness.
The woes of juggling an Eastern-oriented heart with a Western-oriented brain.
Update: The review was really positive, and I was 100-percent honest with my supervisor. There was, however, one area where I did not get an A+ … communication. It was humbling and upsetting. But instead of getting super defensive, I recalled one of the key qualities of a yogi, “Receptiveness to appropriate feedback.” I’ll use this to transform into a better communicator. Guess I need to work a bit on the throat chakra.