The Moksha yoga teacher training program requires me to journal once each week about my experience with the poses and assignments + my practice and progress. This is part of that weekly assignment.
Last night I hosted a few of my teacher trainee friends atop my condo building’s roof deck for drinks, conversation and views of our spectacular city.
As we sat under the stars, sipping pina coladas, munching on cake and swapping stories, a golden moon hung overhead and someone in a nearby park continually launched Chinese lanterns into the night sky. The setting was just so beautiful. I’ve spent so many days and nights sitting on this roof deck by myself; it was wonderful to share the space.
It also was a perfect night to gather outdoors and “check in” with one another after nearly a year of yoga teacher training progress.
Of the twenty or so of us from the Fall 2012 Moksha class, six of us ultimately gathered for this event — with a special welcome to two additional yoginis from the the Spring 2012 class, which recently graduated. While the collection was small, the intimacy of our group made for great conversation, as we could really plunge into what each other was “up to” as we wrapped up the Moksha program.
One woman is already teaching regular classes on the North Shore. Another recently got her first private client (whom she is charging $80 per hour, I learned). A married couple going through the program together help manage the yoga workshops at Moksha in exchange for free classes. Another young woman is contemplating a move to Colorado.
Everyone seems to be spring boarding from this experience into something new and wonderful. Transitions are awesome. But, it was great to learn that everyone sitting around that table also had doubts and uncertainty that accompanied this simple drive to share yoga with others — that I wasn’t alone, in other words. There’s tremendous comfort in that. We’re all still seeking, still searching for “our place” in the yoga universe.
That was one of the big reasons for scheduling this gathering: so we could support and cheerlead one another. Others outside of our group may not be so supportive nor understanding, as I learned was precisely the case with some of the people sitting around that table. One person said that close friends likened his yoga education to joining a “cult.”
As the conversation continued, I couldn’t help but do something that I know is not appropriate: compare. Why wasn’t I teaching regularly somewhere? Why am I not pursuing private clients? Why am I still offering yoga classes for free, only to have nobody show up (as was the case today)? Am I not motivated enough? Am I doing something “wrong”?
Oh, those nasty chitta vrittis. Along with my penchant for impatience.
If anything, this branching out that everyone is beginning to do is inspiration and motivation. I need to chart my own path, at my own pace. This is something that I need to self-remind whenever I begin comparing and doubting.
One thing I know for sure: I’ll always have the support of the people who sat around that table last night, under the stars. We understand what each other is going through, and that’s a very special connection to have.